Many of Trident Surf’s loyal readers and followers have asked, “Trident Surf, how exactly do your surf reports actually work?”
A reasonable question. A question with a multilayered, if not particularly complex answer. Here’s our Surf Report Page by the way.
First off, Trident Surf scours as many of the various surf forecasting sites as is possible to do so without risking howling madness from the sheer overflow of data. As everyone knows only too well, the internet is its own veritable multiverse of information. Sadly, much of said internet info has about the same value as something your dog would do in your backyard. (If not more preferably while during his daily walk, or indeed – in your neighbour’s backyard.) Surf forecasting sites are clearly no exception.
Trident Surf – the brave surf forecast information trooper.
Nonetheless, Trident powers through all the sites applicable to South Africa like the troopers we are. We distill, digest and eventually excrete the information which will be valid to each of our main forecast regions; namely the Western Cape, the Eastern Cape and KZN. Sorry Northern Cape. You were excluded from the get-go of Trident surf reports. For having too many inaccessible surfing spots, often due to a proliferation of private diamond mines and the fact nobody seems to care about surfing there in the first instance. (Ed’s note: Perhaps a future article on Northern Cape surf spots, whaddya say?)
Anyhow, focussing on South African surfing’s Big Three surf provinces, Trident looks long and hard into the abyss (sorry, we mean the often woeful surf predictions for the week), to come up with a rough average for the week ahead.
The Law of Averages.
The obvious factors taken into account are stuff such as the swell size, swell period and swell direction – as well as the wind strength and wind direction. Less obvious things taken into account are water quality, beach closures due to triathlons and such, as well as more unpleasant things like washed up dead whales or E. Coli contamination. Not to mention variables such as how close the surfing spot is to people holidaying from Despatch, Vereeniging, Durbanville or shudder – Germany.
All in all, Trident has the arduous task of averaging things out. For example, if one day out of seven looks set to be epic, while the rest of the week’s surfing looks as enticing as paddling out naked while covered in open sores at Port St Johns during Wild Coast fracking. What then eh? Trident can’t very well give the week a Klassic rating now, can we? Based on a single cranking day in one week? That’s daft. So maybe a Kiff rating, perhaps Killer if there’s more than one decent day?
However, if most of the week looks above average, with one or days being a bit better, so too can that week score perhaps a Kiff. The most average weeks will get a ‘k, but do not despair readers! Even then, you could possibly score, particularly if you bribe us. Hey, Trump literally made bribes legal in the US, so Trident Surf can also be progressive. Send us bucks and we’ll enlighten you further!
Accurate Reports demand Tribute.
Moving on. Although most of our feedback from Surf Reports has been glowingly positive, we have received the odd threat from rabid locals demanding secrecy on the conditions of their beloved spots. Sometimes the threat and the glowing feedback are from one and the same person. Go figure, but for Tim’s sake we do hope the straightjacket and the meds are no longer necessary. So ja folks – Trident does not give more details than is strictly necessary than our weekly surf guideline. Unless you bribe us of course. As we’ve said.
Photo courtesy of William Rall.
Also, you gotta figure out your own spot to surf, darn it. If you live in the Garden Route for example, and don’t know where to surf on a south east swell with a light west wind – our reports are pointless to you. And that’s exactly the point. We point you in the right direction. We don’t grab you by the scruff of the neck and scream “Here! HERE is where you must surf today, with the low tide at 11:25am and the wind swinging an hour later! Here. SURF HERE!”
Homework. Do your own.
You all have eyes and a brain (the latter definitely as you are clearly currently reading the world’s finest surf site), so decipher Trident’s overview of every week’s surfing with a bit of your own local knowledge. Not to mention some homework of your own my bru. Thank us any time. In the comments. In a message. Whatever. Bribes.
Trident sincerely hopes this article guide helps clarify our lovingly researched surf reports. So check out our surf predictions for the week ahead, released by every Friday morning SA time. Unless it’s a holiday of course. Or you bribe us.
