Overseas surfers generally call an overhead wave 6ft. We South Africans might generously call that 3ft, maybe 4ft. By this reckoning, either all Ozzie and American surfers are dwarves. Or, South Africans are thicker than a bar of wax and don’t understand the Imperial measuring system. Or, as a former colony, we have an inherent distrust of anything with the word “Imperial” in it. Radish Microphone, Bubblewrap
Humans split the atom. We put a man on the moon. We even invented the internet, artificial intelligence and biltong. Yet we can’t develop the technology to get rid of those irritating kinks in a brand new surfboard leash. Bill Harzia, Stagnant Puddle
Remember cereal boxes that had cool, cheap toys inside them? Well, why doesn’t Trident, like – market a range of breakfast cereals for surfers, with similar gifts inside? Little knick-knacks such as surf wax, fin keys, surfboard nose guards – small stuff like that. Even grub screws. Although grub screws is probably a lawsuit just waiting to happen. Scratch McPherson, Scatville
Back in the day, Kelly Slater and Zac Effron were apparently big mates. Not sure how cool this makes either of them. Zelly Eater, Kac Sleffron
Do you ever feel down because you work in an average office space as a slightly sad worker drone instead of surfing all the live-long day? Well, just remember this; you’re kinda like a celebrity DJ! Massive win! You both get paid for pushing buttons behind a desk and occasionally shouting. But really doing not much at all. DJ Stool Sample, Club Dredd
