As a kid you may have asked yourself the question: “which superhero power would I most like to have?” Most of us would have gleefully yelled “Super Strength!” “Being able to fly!” “Sonic belching!” Okay, maybe the last one was just us, but you get it. Fantasizing about having abilities far beyond the average human being’s must be a fundamental desire for, well, human beings. However, how many surfers have thought about which fictional superhuman’s abilities would work best for those of us in the waves? Think about it. What would the top five Superhero powers most advantageous to a surfer actually be?
Superman’s list of incredible powers, like flight and super strength, won’t necessarily make you a better surfer. Same with super speed like the Flash’s, or superhuman Wolverine’s healing, though useful in itself, won’t necessarily make you shred. Hah! Shred! Wolverine! See what we did there?! Even tthoughh he hirsute hero’s admantium claws won’t do much for your surfing.
Same with Invisible Girl’s powers. Same with Cyborg’s hacking stuff, that won’t help your surfing much, nor will Green Arrow nor Hawkeye’s archery skills improve your waveriding prowess. Thus, Trident has thoughtfully complied a list of some of the best superhero powers most advantageous to a surfer. Consider skills and powers such as:
Number 1: Aquaman’s all round water powers.
Let’s just get the obvious one out the way first. Control over the ocean and all its creatures? Yes please! And although we may make mention of more than one superhero with the same or similar powers throughout this list, Aquaman is by far the most well known of the water guys. So we won’t bother talking about weirdo’s like Namor the Submariner nor The Deep from The Boys. Nonetheless, the water guys’ powers are all pretty similar and they often get ridiculed for it. I mean, what’s the ability to talk to fish compared to superhuman flight? Breathing underwater is not nearly as cool as being bulletproof. Controlling water – or controlling minds? So yes, many landlubber superheroes mock our underwater heroes.
But as a surfer… well, you’d be hard pressed not to want to be able to summon barrelling waves on demand. Or tell sharks to “back off my bru”. Or get Orca’s to drag snakes off to the Falkland Islands. You know where Trident is going with this. Being a surfer AND Aquaman is awesome!
Number 2: Homelander/Superman’s laser eyes.
Everyone knows what Superman’s powers are, but not everybody has heard of Homelander. If you’ve never read the above mentioned The Boys comics nor seen its brilliant Amazon adaptation, Homelander is basically Superman if he were a dangerously psychotic narcissist with a god complex. Superman’s a boy scout, Homelander is an unstoppable sociopath. Surfers fall somewhere between these two extremes, so it seems fitting we take one of their powers and adapt it for surfing.
We already mentioned super strength, flight etc is rad, but won’t help surfing. But laser eyes? Damn. Every other surfer gets one chance to drop in or back paddle you, but after one warning laser shot from your eyeballs, no one would do it again. And if they do? Aim for their leash, or their board. Beyond that? Well, the Superman in you might be chill, but the Homelander in you would laser a snake or drop in artist in half.
Bonus fact: Homelander is played by Kiwi actor Anthony Starr (kiff name), who in reality is a pretty accomplished surfer.
Number 3: Nightcrawler’s teleportation.
If you’d see that surfing scene in the movie Looper, you’d know just how advantageous teleporting can be. Now, that movie was pretty crap, even with Samuel L Jackson in it – but teleporting yourself to safety from a gnarly wipeout would be darn pretty beneficial to any surfer. Nightcrawler from the X Men is probably the most famous teleporting superhero, although we wouldn’t want his looks.
Number 4: Batman’s bucks.
Technically not a super power, but having Bruce Wayne’s billionaire status would bring plenty of obvious advantages. For example, instead of having to slum it with the riff raff at a surf break, you could simply buy yourself a tropical island. Or two. Or two dozen. Or build any number of wavepools for your exclusive use, if you prefer.
Number 5: Captain America’s super soldier schtick.
Yes, Trident is contradicting ourselves with the whole superhuman strength vibe here. Yes, we don’t care. However; what we’re alluding to is the simple fact enhanced strength, agility, dexterity and speed would be great – but not to crazy levels like the Hulk, Thor, the Thing, Superman etc. A little bit of enhanced paddle power? Yes please. Your back and shoulders not aching after 8 hours in the water? Sign me the heck up. Taking a ten foot wave on the head without being concussed? Fer sure. ‘Coz being as strong as the Thing will probably mean you sink the bottom of the lineup rather than being able to bust full rotation airs with aplomb. So let’s take on Captain America’s subtle superhuman powers without them being at ridiculous levels. You could probably even skimboard on the oke’s shield.
