Not quite a sequel to our previous article: Why would anyone want to become a pro surfer, seriously?! – but certainly worthwhile for setting the scene for our quiz today. So check that out, right here.
With the final 5 fight for the WSL World Title on the cusp, one would say this article is critical. Crucial. Paramount. So read this with a serious heart, friends.
For many an up and coming surfer, being a pro was – or still is – an attainable dream. However, folks, times have changed . So even though sacrifices had to be made back in the day (check out what Jordy’s parents had to do to get him started on tour), these days making a living from surfing is as likely as winning the lotto or Trump coming out as transgender. So here at Trident, we’ve tried to streamline and illustrate the process and pathways to going pro. It ain’t easy, and it sure ain’t pretty, but Trident is nothing if not brutally helpful. So check out these questions to ascertain if you’ve got what it takes to become a pro surfer.
Question 1: Describe your ideal day.
a. Some decent waves at my local break or at the spots surrounding it, followed by quality time with friends and family.
b. After having travelled to some remote but legendary surf spot, a bunch of waves followed by hard jols surrounded by smoking hot locals.
c. Finally generating enough income from my YouTube channel to afford some new wax.
d. Not losing in my first heat in 2 foot slop in another third world country on the other side of the world, starving, suffering from heatstroke and wondering if the reef cut on my heel has turned gangrenous.
Question 2: What really stresses you out?
a. The usual – work stress, life stress, politics, if my finances will allow for another two boards to add to my quiver this year, wax melting, being able to get some time off next Tuesday as it looks like it’ll be pumping an hour or two’s drive away – you know, the usual.
b. Exactly where on my surfboard to effectively place each and every one of my 27 sponsors’ stickers. And also, to find a local skivvy/hero-worshipper to do it for me.
c. Affording to travel to my next contest while stressing if I’ll lose my one loyal sponsor to that 12 year-old kid who just stomped a double full rotation to a dark slide in the wavepool.
d. Figuring out how much I can save on travel money by eating my own toenails and beach sand for a few days.
Question 3: What would you consider to be a nutritious meal?
a. A balanced diet of fruit, vegetables, protein and lots of water – avoiding overly processed stuff, trans fats while also avoiding being excessive about obsessing about what I eat. After all, Oscar Wilde once said: “Everything in moderation, including moderation/”
b. I eat (and drink) whatever I like. After all, nobody, not me,nor my sponsors nor even my fans, ever expect me to show up for my morning heats on time.
c. Water, kale, canned pilchards and that soup mix stuff that smells like chicken feed.
d. Beach sand and my own toenail cuttings.
Question 4: Making a living long term from surfing in the 2020’s is notoriously tough. What would be a great side hustle/secondary income in your opinion?
a. Maybe working in the surf industry a bit, maybe a bit of up-skilling yourself here and there on tech or trade, trying my best to save a bit of money through it all.
b. Online surf coaching from a real pro, perhaps some merchandise with my face on it – ya know, stuff like T-shirts, stickers, lunch boxes, babies nappies – that kind of thing.
c. Desperate surf ads online extolling the values of your crappy clothing sponsor, despite the fact the UN is investigating said brand because of allegations they employ toddlers in their Asian sweatshops.
d. An OnlyFans page.
Question 5: You have a very tough, important heat coming up. How do you prepare?
a. Lots of training; both in the water and in the gym, a little bit of mental prep and just trying to calm those nerves.
b. Pfft. Other surfers should be scared of me in their heats.
c. Prozac.
d. Prozac, grain alcohol and setting fire to my opponents’ quivers.
Question 6: Who/what would you consider to be an efficient sponsor/support team?
a. Your family, your friends, your coach and sponsors.
b. A cult-like following from fans across the world.
c. Anyone still willing to talk to you after fronting the money to fly halfway across the world to compete in your first QS event, only for you to be incapacitated by extreme anxiety and not leave your hotel room for over a week.
d. Anyone willing to put laxative in my opponent’s organic soy lates without anyone else ever connecting it back to me.
Question 7: Why ultimately are you wanting to be a pro in the first place?
a. Bru, stupid question. I just love to surf and making a living from it would be the ultimate way to simply surf!
b. The fame, the glory – the power. To be remembered with the same reverence as Curren, Occy, Slater, Mandela, Gandhi, Da Vinci, Julius Caesar and Ozzy Osbourne.
c. It sure beats selling off my internal organs one by one.
d. It sure beats selling off other people’s internal organs one by one.
Results:
Mostly A’s. You’re realistic, but optimistic. Nice one.
Mostly B’s. You’re a pro surfer circa 1990’s/early 2000’s. Or you are currently in the midst of a psychotic episode. Or you’re both.
Mostly C’s. You’re realistic. And slightly depressing.
Mostly D’. You – Sir, are what we call a glass half empty kinda guy. And you are grande depressing, but so much so you cheer the rest of us all up. So you have that going for you. Shot bru!
