Orcas, or Killer Whales, also known as the wolves of the sea, are one of Earth’s most beloved species. I mean, who doesn’t love those adorable panda-coloured, submarine sized marine mammals?
Well dolphins don’t love ‘em, for a start. And therein lies some degree of irony. As Orcas’ other famous moniker – Killer Whales – is a misnomer. Orcas aren’t actually whales, but the largest member of the dolphin family. Which, as we said is ironic – ‘coz Orcas eat dolphins.
Nature man. Rough.
A Trident anecdote from a surf perspective involves just a few of us surfing a well known but never particularly busy spot just off the beaten track, a kind of large cove or bay. The crew was surrounded by probably hundreds of dolphins, all hugging the shore. It took us a while to realise why. Then we remembered a group of Orcas had been circling the general area, and the dolphins had sought refuge in said bay to avoid being torn apart and eaten like a packet of shrilly whistling Nik Naks.
And dolphins aren’t the only item on Orcas’ grocery list. Over the last few year, a pair of Orcas near the Cape Flats (ie: the Cape Peninsula) formed their own gang. They were named Port and Starboard, and terrorised the local great white population, removing and snacking on their livers with surgical precision. Hannibal Lecter would be jealous.
Great White Shark livers, man. Rough.
In case you didn’t already know, Killer Whales are said to be exceptionally intelligent. Certainly more intelligent than humans, ‘coz there they are, snacking on great white shark livers and dolphins and such. And there we humans are – heading to work late in rush hour traffic, paying rates and taxes to delinquent municipalities, arguing with fools on the internet and needing meds for cholesterol and stuff. Orcas eschewed such nonsense and just cruise around, eating whatever the hell they feel like. Respect.
Indeed, Orcas have been observed to actually have a kind of culture within sub populations. For instance, wearing a dead salmon as a fashion statement on their heads. Now, sure – wearing a dead fish on your head to be trendy isn’t for everyone, but neither is a mullet – and check how popular that hairstyle remains. This despite the mullet fan looking not only like their mother and father had the same surname before being married, but also making them look like the world’s worst shower curtain.
Also, Orcas have those cool false eye spots. Fashion.
Free Willy equals Unnecessary cruelty.
Another way in which Killer Whales demonstrate their intelligence is their completely over the top cruelty. Sound familiar? Yup, it’s pretty twisted that the smarter a species is, the more their propensity for cruelty increases. And maybe that’s the whole deal with intelligence – you’re smart enough to know better. So humans and Orcas alike – be better darn you all.
Anyway, Orcas just don’t care at all. Time to eat? A lekker, tasty fat seal? Oh well, let’s toss the seal in the air like a squalling, slick furred hacky sack before we even kill it. Fun times! Orcas are literally the antithesis of DEI. Indeed, the only way they would tolerate inclusively is to include you as part of their diet.
So, ja – a sea beast that can just casually donner a great white has to be terrifying. So in conclusion, all Trident can say is, thank Poseidon humans in general – and surfers in particular – aren’t on their menu. For now. But who knows? Perhaps the scent of bubblegum flavoured surf wax will drive them into a frenzy in the near future.
