If there is a single word that is guaranteed to strike fear into the heart of any surfer; that word is “flat”. Terrifying!
A close second would be more like a phrase or a sentence “the waves are absolute fire and you have to attend a (pick one or more): wedding/work/school/college/court hearing/your own funeral.” A third phrase guaranteed to instill terror into a surfer is “you shoulda been here: this morning/yesterday/last week/last month/last season/ in 1234 AD with no crowds whatsoever.”
The list goes on and on: “onshore”, “crowded”, “wrong swell direction” etc etc. Right at the bottom of the list of things surfers fear is the word “shark”.
Shark.
Now, Trident is fairly certain you, dear reader, have been playing along and understand that in reality, “shark” is the word surfers truly soil themselves for. We shall sink our teeth (see what we did there?!) more into sharks in general in future articles, but you saw the heading right? Megalodon?
If this fearsome prehistoric beast still existed, it’s unlikely the sport of surfing ever would’ve evolved. So let’s just be thankful that gigantic fish didn’t evolve. Truth be told though, it wouldn’t just be surfing which never would’ve developed. Diving, sailing, yachting, triathlons and the like may have been restricted to lakes inland. Hell, it’s not impossible no watersports at all would have begun when a carnivorous fish the size of a school bus was terrorising the world’s oceans. A live Megalodon would make a Great White Shark resemble Nemo.
Big Shark. Like, really big.
If a great white shark encounter is poop-your-pants scary, seeing a Megalodon in the flesh probably would’ve induced a heart attack or an aneurysm or spontaneous combustion (yes, even in the water.) But here’s the thing. Megalodon went extinct because they, like their smaller, more adaptable cousins the Great White – were ambush predators.
So what does that mean to anyone who isn’t an expert at multiplayer first person shooters?
Well, if you see a Great White swimming near you – you really shouldn’t panic. I know that’s easier said than done, oh he-who-paddles-like-an-1800’s-riverboat upon seeing a dark shape in the water, but be calm. Always. Firstly, splashing about like a kid in an inflatable pool will only draw a ravenous shark’s attention to you. And secondly, if you see a shark idly cruising by – they’re unlikely to be, well, ravenous.
Big Shark. Like, really big. Like, too big to practically attack surfers. Also, they’re extinct.
As ambush predators, just like your Call of Duty nemesis ladieshero2013 (lives in Korea, aged 12) , stealth is the name of the game. Sharks see you from below – a silhouette against the sun – and boom! Attack!
With Megalodons, they would simply be too big to do that to a surfer sitting on their board just off the coast. So yes, we couldn’t swear you wouldn’t suffer a Meg attack off say – the Cortez Bank – but these monsters would be gunning for whales and such. To a Megalodon, a surfer on a board would hardly qualify as a snack.
Think about it! If you were a humongous, terrifying shark – what would you do? Would you choose a human – basically some half-arsed finger food the size of a blob of polony on a stale Salticrax? Why, when you could spend more energy on some fine rare, vrot fillet of whale?
