Are you the kind of person that asks for a bite of a mate’s sandwich, or some of their chips or a sip of their drink or whatever, only to finish the whole damn thing?! Which is downright infuriating and rude, isn’t’ it?! So why then, upon asking to borrow some of my wax – would you use the whole darn bar?! To add insult to injury, you use said bar of wax on not just one of your surfboards, but all three of the surfboards you just happened to bring to the beach?! People like you should be forcibly sterilised to prevent your faulty genes spreading any further amongst humanity. Beuregarde Crumple, Spaghetti on Sea
I’m not looking to be buddies with anyone else in any surf lineups. No, I don’t mean I’ll just quietly sit there and patiently wait my turn for waves. No. I actually want to actively make enemies with everyone. I want fist fights, bellowed swear words and death threats in the water. Let’s get our hands dirty. Deadly weapons are a must for sure. Let’s start blood feuds that will filter down for generations to come. I want my family to intensely hate anyone I dislike, and for our grandchildren to carry on the glorious enmity towards each other for eternity. Let our blood rivalry commence! Anyone else keen on this idea? Hit me up ekse! Plopper McTooter, Shadowy Playground
I really wanted to write to Trident about surfing by only using emoji’s, but that seems overly complicated. Shorten Sweet, Point Pointless
I may not be the best surfer you’ll ever meet, but I have certain talents, attributes and abilities that definitely make me stand out from any other oke or doll in the lineup. Such as: I can guarantee I’m the best fist bumper you’ll ever meet. And nobody, literally nobody – makes surfboard shaped waffles like I do. Also, I carve my surf wax into waffle shapes, although I can’t claim I’m hands down the best at that. That would just be arrogant. Trite Sekele, Toenail Crunch
Wow, early winter and we’ve had mad weather, which has resulted in serious swells already. Some of us scored, some of us missed out, some of us got our backsides handed to us upside down. All because surfers asked the question “what if there were waves, but somehow the mutant offspring of kaiju?” Mucus “Swampy” Trenchcoat, There
