The only time any boat should be allowed to chum for sharks anywhere near our coastline is if they use chopped up pieces of stand-up paddle foilers or whatever those wankers are known as. Feizal Sensible, Bathmat
Dear foreign surfers. Nothing says “I’m gonna dominate the set waves” like paddling out on a retro, 8ft single-fin big wave gun. No, we’re being facetious. Seriously, do these foreign okes insert LSD up one of their bodily openings before buying their surf equipment then paddling out? Wheel, Spanner
Seriously, three days of cooking waves and all of my surfs were pretty much kak?! Did I drop in on a leprechaun recently or something? Shame O’ Toole, Emerald Pile
Hanging my wetsuit to dry from my office window #lankprofessional. Cor Pirate, Corporate Campus
When just about everyone in the surf lineup are your mates, this happens to me a lot. Said mates all seem to possess a wave magnet, and they’re all surfing like machines. And there I am, surfing like I’ve just been injected in the brain with rhino tranquilliser. Sack Sad, Sorry Bay
