We really shouldn’t need to say this, but if you haven’t already checked out Part One of our accent reviews, please do so now, right here.
Ah yes, thanks to the global popularity of surfing, diversity has become as ingrained in the sport as headbutting cheeky drop-in artists and borrowing wax from Trident’s affiliates. So if you find yourself surfing anywhere that’s relatively well known, you’ll hear all kinds of accents in the water these days. Not to mention unfamiliar languages. So while we reviewed the accents of English speaking nations last time, in this review we specifically check out surfing nations which don’t include English as a first language. ‘Coz we’re progressive in terms of who we choose to poke fun of.
So here we go with our reviews of the non-English speaking surfers’ accents:
Brazil:
Trident can’t tell for sure if it’s only Brazilian surfers, or the population as a whole – but when watching post heat reviews, most of the Brazilians sound like they’re on the verge of sobbing. Some of them actually do end up sobbing. So although an obvious trait in Brazilian surfing, crying is not limited to that nation alone. (We saw that first J Bay win interview, Jordy.) Anyway, win or lose, happy or sad, Brazilians speak as if they’re always on the verge of breaking down in tears. This is not an insult. This is just how they sound to us. Call it their passion manifest in their accent if you’re kind. If you’re unkind, the Brazilian accent make them sounds like a bunch of whiny cry babies.
On another note, the Brazilian accent is curiously lacking (to our admittedly untrained ear) the weird thsh sound Portuguese folk use when pronouncing their s sounds. This makes them sound like they’ve been at the red wind for a few hours already. And of course, this is relevant as Brazilians speak Portuguese, not Spanish as per most of the rest of Latin America. (Although a few South American nations have English as first language – thanks Trident for useless facts.)
We digress. The Brazilian accent is pretty appealing. Just as Brazilians are pretty appealing themselves. Unless they lose a heat. Then heaven help you as the hordes of online surf trolls descend upon whoever beat them in a heat, regardless of how clean cut the scores were. See our above comments about being a bunch of whiny cry babies. With potential murder on their minds.
4.5 outta 5 for Brazzo’s, 2.5 for Portuguese surfers.
France:
Thank you Marco Mignot, for having the audacity to kick Jordy off his Number spot and send him packing up the beach to his luxury home in J Bay. Doos. Oh well, it happens. Despite coming across as kinda arrogant in the water, Marco actually seems like a sweet French guy. Which is weird, as the French accent is kinda sleazy and creepy – and French people are notorious tools. Once again, this is at odds with the French accent’s reputation as “sexy”. Over the years France has maintained a steady but small supply of French surfers – Jeremy Flores you legend – so their accent is quite commonplace in surfing.
You’ll hear French accents across lineups in South Africa. Trident visualises the French surfers’ accent as either lovable and oafish. Sorta like Obelix if he were toting around longboards instead of menhirs. The other kind of Gallic accent is more the aforementioned sleaze – like French onion soup made with expired onions and random mushrooms you found growing in a deserted corner of your backyard – but scented with lekker croutons and cheese. We say – avoid any Frog who sounds like that.
A slightly above average 3 outta 5, based on the balance between likeable and dislikable variations of the French accent.
Italy:
Well, it’s only Leo on tour so this review will be brief. The man speaks well and is pretty likeable, but all in all – the Italian accent suffers from the same issues as the above French accent. Also supposedly “sexy”, although we don’t see it. This is due to Italians sounding excited even while discussing the active ingredients in household cleaning products. So in a nutshell – in a surfing context – Italian accents are well, just okay. But Italians themselves are a strange mix of snotty French and passionate Brazilian.
Also just like the French, Italians have a suspicious affinity with accordion music. Surf wise – it’s like when they go to war. In the beginning of any war they’re involved in, Italians are all fired up. However they lose their enthusiasm pretty quickly. Just as soon as their boots get a bit dirty, they tend to give up. Perhaps an analogy of their surfing. Trident once heard that during World War 2, like, 40 000 Italian soldiers surrendered to like, a few dozen Americans or something. But Leo, our lone Italian surfer, is a trooper and a lekker oke of note. Ciao indeed!
3.5 stars.
As for the lesser represented nations, Japan is kinda irrelevant coz one is half Yank and the other half Aussie, and both speak with their adopted countries’ accents. Morocco and Indo each gain 3.5 stars for just sommer shredding, Spain has no current CT campaigners so a big fat round zero for you ou’s.
