Ah, the modern wetsuit. That miracle of eco-unfriendly neoprene and rubber. One of watersports’ most ubiquitous – and hence now taken for granted – greatest inventions. Thanks to these pieces of flexible heating material, we can surf longer, better and in more places than ever before. And even though the debate over using your wetsuit as a convenient bathroom continues (see this ancient Trident article here) all surfers must agree how far wetsuit technology has come.
However, one thing has barely changed over wetsuits’ development. And is simply, the sheer headache of climbing in and out of this miraculous bit of sport tech. Many have tried and failed to come up with extra surf tech to aid this arduous task. Still many more have simply ignored any attempt at making wetsuit entry and exit any easier. Nevertheless, Trident must bravely wade the waters of the agonies of wetsuit fitting and removal.
Back Entry:
This is the grand daddy of all wetsuits. Well, there was the front zip, but we’re kinda discounting that coz of its comeback with girls and hipsters, and hipster girls and girly hipsters. The back zip provides the easiest wetsuit entry by far. However, pulling that kak little strap thing to close the zip can contort your body to the point of tweaking your 1. Arm, 2. Back, 3. Shoulder or 4. All three. At the same time. If it weren’t for that little quirk of design, as well as the fact zippers can break – the back zip wetsuit might have achieved the full five outta five stars. However, considering the back breaking closing and opening of the zip after surfing, we’ll give it a 4.
Chest Zip:
The bonus about chest zips is the ease of well, zipping and unzipping the gosh darn thing in the first place. Another bonus is the snug fit. This ensures minimal water seepage. Both in and out the wetsuit (once your body heat has done you the favour of warming said water up). Unfortunately, a negative is also the snug fit. Which ensures you may render yourself sterile by how tight the gosh darn thing is. PUT IT ON CAREFULLY. The last thing you want to do is stagger around, nauseated, whining in a high pitched voice how it feels like you were sucker punched in the trouser region. Girls, I think you’re okay here though. Anyhow, Chest zip suits are more or less standard these days. Trident would rate them a 5 too, but with the snugness and the fact even chest zippers break, let’s go with a 4.5, rounded down to 4.
Zip free:
Let’s just dive right into the positive first. By far the snuggest and least water penetrable wetsuit currently available. However, just try get this wetsuit over your head, arms and shoulders. Particularly when brand new, with a minimum of fuss. Doing so must rate up there with thumbscrews, Chinese water torture, standing in queues at the traffic department and having to watch countless surf coaching ads on YouTube as forms of extreme torture. If it were just about the performance of the wetsuit itself, the zip free would sweep the board. (Author’s note: See what we did there?! Ed’s note: Vague, obscure, but kinda smart.) However, the zip free wetsuit makes its entry and exit almost as fun as a straightjacket. 3.5 stars, rounded up to 4.
You see what Trident is saying folks. Each suit has pro’s and con’s, so pick your poison. Honourable mention must also go to the following. Putting plastic bags over your feet – full 5 stars, as are those little canvas bags you could buy at surf shops. Highly recommended. Also, Trident must give full props to some of our more ingenuous surfing peers. Some guys use weird pulley systems of clips and bungee cords to help exit ‘suits. Although with bungee cords you do run the risk of being catapulted across the parking lot like an ungainly missile. So, 3 stars for that. Others use a kind of wetsuit lubricant. However, as we’re unsure of what the real goal is with that stuff, it just gets a flat 2 outta 5.
