Trident won’t necessarily call everything on the following list utter garbage, but we seriously have doubts as to their efficacy. Which is both ironic and a pity, as we pretty much use ‘em. With the exception of the last one, which we believe should be used by everyone.
Number 1: Wax base coat.
One of our compadre’s uses tropical wax as a base coat. Smart, we say. But, is a base coat of wax of any kind even necessary on a surfboard? For decades probably, Trident remained blissfully ignorant of the benefits of a layer of base coat underneath the main wax layer. We just blithely slathered on whatever wax brand we had on hand. Truthfully, we feel no difference over the last few years or so when we became pedantic about applying this magical base coat of wax. All because the surf zeitgeist collectively convinced everyone a wax base coat was important. Just like the zeitgeist convinced us all the volume of a surfboard, was paramount, a full 3mm wetsuit was obsolete (pick either a 3/2mm or a 4/3mm and don’t complain about the lack of in-between) and the WSL is still riveting sports entertainment. We are not convinced.
Number 2: Wetsuit changing mats.
Not the first time Trident has questioned this surf equipment. And yes, we do actually own a changing mat. However, ours sits semi-permanently in the boot of our car along with our spare wheel, our wheel jack and a few bottles of expired sunscreen.
Ultimately we just get changed on the nearest patch of grass (sorry beachfront property homeowners). Even changing on sand if you don’t want to damage your suit. We’ve personally hardly ever seen anyone use one. After all, just get changed out your wetsuit and plop the unholy damp mess into a suitable receptacle. Plastic buckets work perfectly fine. After all, a changing mat is just one more thing you need to waste time, energy and water on to clean when you get home.
Number 3: Car roof racks.
Yes, we do have roof racks on our car. And yes, we do use them. To an extent. But here’s the rub. Even if you regularly use your roof racks, you still at the very least – need to stash your surfboard bag in the darn car. For most surfers, you simply can’t avoid using your car to store equipment. Of course, you may be one of those surfers who doesn’t use a board bag, but then your car’s roof will resemble a giant melted candle sooner or later. Bottom line is, if you own your own transport, roof racks for boards are about as essential as toilet paper in your car. Nice to have in a pinch, but you won’t be using them all that much.
Number 4: Surf reports.
Well, who doesn’t use these? Well, if this past winter is anything to go by, even the employees at online surf report companies don’t use surf reports. Lately, the predicted reports have been so inaccurate Trident is convinced they are concocted by a blindfolded employee throwing a dart at a surf chart.
Anyway, we all know we have no real choice but to try time our surfs with online reports. However, who hasn’t internally threatened to quit surfing and/or protest outside the Surfline headquarters ‘coz of how exasperating they are?
Number 5: The fact we don’t have cool, socially acceptable sunglasses to use while actually surfing.
Snowboarders have them. And the culture is completely accepting of them. Trident gets it though. We may not all have spent much time in snow, but sure – we know about snow blindness etc. But have you ever seen the sun’s glare on the ocean? We may as well all be staring directly into the sun. Who wouldn’t spend a tidy sum on a pair of decent goggles or glasses that helps mitigate the sun’s glare? Especially in the early mornings and evenings when it feel like Apollo is firing sun arrows directly through your eyeballs into your brain.
Bonus Number 6: Surfboards noseguards.
They work, they’re cheap but nobody but Trident uses them. Why?! They protect your board for sure, and will hopefully lessen any impact that sharp bit of resin will have when touching soft human flesh.
But no, surfers are just way too cool to use these. We know, as Oakley tried, decades ago, to market waterproof surfing sunnies. Surfers would prefer cataracts to wearing slightly daft sunglasses it seems. Sigh.
