Surf WhatsApp Groups. *Long, drawn-out, exasperated sigh of long-suffering.
Sometimes, the only thing more pointless than a surf WhatsApp group (henceforth abbreviated to WA, we’re not typing this out again over and over – and we’re no AI slaves) is pretty much any WA group. Indeed, this writer was inspired to write this article after receiving a barely literate message on a neighbourhood Watch kind of WA group. It went something like this: “PLZ can sum1 check on a supsepciaus car on dis road.”
Our friendly neighbourhood security folk responded with something like: “The driver is an old man waiting to pick his daughter up.” Sure, crime remains a huge issue in South Africa, but seriously? An old man in an old car is now worthy of public scrutiny via WA? Jeez. Granted though, the original messenger must surely possess the IQ of dried fruit, but that’s besides the point. Even now, as we Trident tries hard to write this here article, we’ve been bombarded by calls for a sponsorship for some high school girls’ power lifting team by some oblivious parent in one of our animal welfare WA groups.
Read the room while reading WhatsApp messages.
For the love of Tom Curren, read the (digital) room WA members. There’s some lady in hysterics over their missing dog while some other complete poephol is self-centredly asking for money via a dubious AI generated image for a sponsorship/cause/scam that may not even exist. Side note, Trident feels those people should be frog marched to firing squads.
For all we know, you’re currently reading this from a link posted on a WA group. Even so, we ain’t changing our minds here. Most WhatsApp groups are inherently irritating and intrusive. Surf WA groups? More so.
Like any other WA group, surf WA group begins with good intentions. But you, dear reader, must be aware of what they say about good intentions. Right? So yes, a few mates conspire to form a WA group, promising a constant flow of surf reports. Which, particularly on the days forecast to be good, does happen. Initially. Simple. Great idea.
Good Intentions makes great paving if you’re building a road to damnation.
However, the group begins to bloat somewhat. Admin is asked by the newest member to add their one friend who lives on the other side of town. Who the admin has never met. “What’s the harm?” Admin schemes. “Why not?” ADD PARTICIPANT. Participant is added. However, Admin is unaware of this vague friend-of-a-friend’s criminal record for public urination. Nor the fact the new participant happens to be borderline sociopathic and the biggest snake in the Southern Hemisphere. And also happens to smell like beer farts, failed dreams and turpentine.
And soon – like all WA groups – surf WA groups descend into unknown members, unpleasant members, criminal members, dirty jokes, politicking, arguments that only make sense to the two members bellowing at each other in capitals, chaos, anarchy and those unbelievably annoying accidental eternal voice chats.
Where are the promised surf reports? The good natured but respectful banter? The surf pics? Maybe the odd second board for sale? The announcement of a local surf compo? Or can’t we just hit our crew members up one on one, impractical as that may be?
No. Surf WA groups devolve into weirdly toxic spaces that have no real connection to where or why they started. Like this country, circa three decades plus since the onset of democracy.
