The cool thing about the English language is that almost any innocent word can be used as a slur. So in a surfing context, this is particularly kickass! Check these examples out: “Oi! Kook! You’re paddling like a spatula!” “Hey you surf like a kumquat!” “Ah, you totally gazeboed that wave my bru!” “Jis Dude, I got absolutely wine-racked on my last wave hey!” Okay, so some of these sound like compliments. Well, that can work too I guess. Dick Shenary, Poxford
Gonna find Keith Richards, steal some of his blood and synthesize some of that Rolling Stones longevity. So I can surf until I’m about 164. Maroon Baboon, Moveslike Jagger
The amount of discarded hair extensions I’ve found polluting the beaches is frankly gross, as well as very disturbing. Perhaps we could upcycle them into surf leashes? Glass Halffull, Fulham
Jurre, people. If you’re anything like me you also hate being forced to wear pants in public. But honestly, the showers at the beach are not the place to get kaalgat, sing loudly and wash yourself like you’re at a Roman bathhouse circa 76AD. Mannequin Van Tonder, Wobble
I’m not gonna lie, Iggy Pop endorsing Billabong boardshorts back in the day is cooler than a Himalayan yeti’s ‘nads. Jeremiah Cream Cabinet, On Tour
