Ah, it’s finally here. A weekend morning all to yourself! And lo and behold; a free weekend morning with the stars grinning hysterically in your favour – there’s actually some surf! Waves don’t look all time to be sure, but definitely good enough for the ol’ salt water fix. It’s offshore, the tides look good and we’re looking at shoulder high plus sized waves. What could possibly go wrong?! Well, you still gotta get there… So fearlessly, Trident Reviews: Getting ready for your average weekend surf session.
At Home.
The significant other is out with the kids and you’ve just enjoyed a massive breakfast (and subsequent bathroom off load). Now it’s time to gather everything and pack the car. Let’s not forget the changing robe/towel this time though! Last time you did that, you had to awkwardly change into your wetsuit in your car’s back seat and the family in the SUV next to you phoned the cops while you were kaalgat and grunting.
Anyway, packing time. So let’s starts with the obvious surfboards(s) and wetsuit. Jeez, your wetsuit is still damp and miff from your mid week surf. And the weather happens to be colder than a snowman’s buttocks outside. Also, not only is your wetsuit still wet with icicles dangling from the taint region, it stanks worse than the broccoli you forgot at the back of the fridge. Oh well, board(s) and dank wetsuit go into the car. Cell rings. It’s Significant Other. Asking you if you can get some extra milk and kitchen towels before you surf. “No problem!” You proclaim with teeth gritted through a demented grin over the phone. Upon hanging up, you loudly curse the fates. “I had a free Saturday morning, Poseidon damn it!” Nonetheless you speed off to the nearest shop, buy said items and return home to drop your purchases off. At least buying the bleedin’ kitchen towels will remind you to actually remember to pack a towel this time.
Finally! You’re ready to go. You lock up the house and wheel spin away, daydreaming of being shacked for at least ten seconds.
Three outta five stars.
Returning Home.
You forgot your bleddy towel (or changing robe). You reflect on how the SO requesting kitchen towels should’ve alerted you. Instead it did the opposite. You swear. You pull a handbrake turn, bang your head on the steering wheel precisely three times (no time for any more) and race back home to get your changing robe (or towel).
Zero outta five.
Trident Reviews: The Drive.
This isn’t a weekday, why is there so much traffic? Retail workers, sure. On their way to the grind. No doubt some Saturday school sports kids crammed into VW caddy’s, hopped up on sugary cereal laughing and blue murder while mom/dad silently wonders if it’s too early to start drinking. At traffic lights there are of course beggars wearing nifty cardboard signs, as well as people selling coat hangers and luggage at the traffic lights. No matter where all the cars and people come from, they’re all wearing down your surf enthusiasm. There also happens to be some tikhead wearing nothing but a scowl, some artfully placed kitchen towels and girls’ ballet shoes several sizes too small for him. He’s wide eyed, shouting at the sky and proclaiming himself to be actor Ernest Borgnine from 80’s TV hit Airwolf.
Don’t make eye contact, don’t come to my car, don’t make eye contact, don’t come to my car… Tikhead makes eye contact and comes to your car. Just as the traffic light turns green.
One outta five for the drive. And that’s generous.
The Beach is in sight!
And yes, it’s what you’d expect from a pleasant, sunny winter’s day. Hordes of beachgoers of all shapes, stripes, sizes and degrees of flatulence are here. Including several more tikheads. Fabulous. However, the waves you can see already make you start frothing at the mouth – better than expected! You see some of your mates have sent reports, others have requested reports – and you happily oblige while waiting at red robots.
Four outta five stars for sheer anticipatory stoke.
So that’s Part One of Trident Reviews: Getting ready for your average weekend surf session. Standby for Part Two next Trident Reviews.
