As we approach the end of winter in the southern hemisphere, it’s time to reflect on what warmer conditions may mean. Although in Durban the waters are generally always warm enough to sweat in, while the Atlantic waters of the country remain frigid as a snowman’s scrotum; for the most part we surfers along the rest of the coastline can just about confidently dispense with the hoodies.
And that’s a good thing. Because although they not only prevent brain freeze but also protect the scalp, ears and neck from from the ravages of the sun, hoodies make us all look like low budget Darth Vaders in the waves. I’ve personally not recognised members of my own family in the lineup when everyone is in surf hoodies. Likewise, I’ll cheerfully greet folks I think I know, only to discover a scowling stranger, with eyes squinting suspiciously under their hood as they try ascertain if I’m there to steal their waves or not. If you think about it, it’s kinda bizarre how acceptable it is to have wetsuits available in dayglo colours so bright you’d not only be able to see them from space, but surf hoodies are about as plain as tarmac. Wetsuits are freely available that are so brazenly colourful the entire garish decade that was the 80’s would sue the wearer for copyright infringement, but wear a pink hoodie in the lineup and everyone stares at you like you have a tail or are from Patensie or something.
So why aren’t there hoodies that have detachable novelty viking horns or mohawks commercially available yet? To help us recognise one another more easily, and prevent the crippling embarrassment of throwing a shaka at a complete stranger who could be a psychopath or a mid-length rider for all we know? I personally would dig to wear a hoodie with like, valkyrie wings on either side, sorta like Asterix if he was taller, lacked a moustache and surfed. Look at the weirdly shaped cycling helmets out there. Nobody bats an eyelid at the fact that most of them make the wearer look like the egg laying alien queen from the classic movies. Yet, wear a surf hoodie that you’ve painted your own name on for easy recognition and be prepared to be mercilessly mocked.
Surfing is a sport that thrives on being distinctive, independent and unique. It’s on the edge and proudly displays its individuality on its sleeve. Just not on its head.
